lillium_ai (lillium_ai) wrote in chiexaoi,
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lillium_ai
chiexaoi

Breathless- Chapter 1

Old time writer, new time poster to this community xP

Complete Aoi x Chie fic, although I love ShizNat, they need to GTFO out of my fics :<

Breathless (On going story)
Rating: PG-13 for strong language, sexual themes, and for Chie being so totally sexy and awesome.
Chapter 1 (The Strong and the Beautiful)

Disclaimer: I do not own Mai Hime / Otome or any of it's characters. (Although I wish I could buy Chie on Ebay T_T!)

The Strong and the Beautiful (Chapter 1)
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Let's just say that I never was suppose to fall in love. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those "My heart was broken a bazillion times and destiny has unfolded that I'm just blah blah blah." No, the truth is that I'm fine alone. Friends, love, and all the nouns in between never really phased me. My freshman year was full of acquaintances that called me their "friend", but I couldn't see them in the same light. To me, they were all gray faces in front of a black background.

However, in my Sophomore year, everything seemed to change.

I was almost pissed at the inconsistency. I was comfortable how I was. Getting good grades, and being pretty damned good at photography, my calling, gave me plenty of choices. In the end, I was guaranteed a great career and a continuous comfortable life.

But that 10th grade year, she arrived.

I knew from middle school that I didn't like guys. I never considered myself gay, I just couldn't stand middle school boys. Or high school boys. Hell, I really didn't like any sort of male. As immature nasty little sweaty punks, they were all the same. I figured love was definitely not my thing, but when she approached me while I was reading my usual Photographers Weekly, with her blue skirt and tight longed sleeve shirt, it was almost as if shattered glass rang in my ears.

"Wow this is going to be really embarrassing, but well I'm lost," her nervous smile shifted onto her lips. It took me a moment to make my mouth work properly. Her legs were shaped in perfection, and I blushed knowing that my view was amazing.

"Where.. Eh, Where do you need to go?" Me. The smart ass loud mouth of the school. Couldn't form one damn sentence without tripping over her own tongue.

"English, classroom number 2-402," in her delicate hands laid a map of the school. Everyone knows those maps are at least 60 years old. The buildings on there were non-existent in modern times. I lifted myself up and stuffed my magazine into the bag. I took the map from her hands, and to her utter shock, crumbled it up and threw it over my shoulder.

"From now on I'm your map," I gave her a small wink and grinned.

"My hero," she smiled in return. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped right then and there. Against everything I currently stood for, against my own philosophy, I fell in love that day. That year was probably the best year I had yet.

We became extremely close friends after that. She was someone I could always come to, and more importantly I was someone she could count on. Her family was Japanese when it came to Nationality, but total American when it came to culture. I liked how she was different. I loved everything about her. We were never what I wanted to be, and never... well I guess the point is made. We sat together on the couch, but we were never close enough make me satisfied. We slept in the same bed, but when I reached out I only felt air. Nevertheless, I was pretty content with how we were because it almost seemed like we were a couple, kind of. I had her all to myself, what more could I want?

A winter or so ago I took her to my favorite part of the gardens outside of our town. The gardens themselves were known as the biggest make out spot to all of our town's teenage population, but I don't think she knew that, so I thought it would be safe enough to take her to the most beautiful place I've ever seen, without giving any hints. Her eyes widened when we made our way out of the trees and into the clearing I made near the mini creek-like waterfall. As a photographer, I tried to capture this place as many times as I could, but I always failed at really getting the entire beauty of the place in a picture. It just seemed bland in a photo than what it was really based off of.

The trees were tall enough to block out most sunlight, but stubborn rays seeped through the cracks and filtered against her face. I let my eyes hit the ground before she noticed that I was staring. Beauty caressed this place even more now that her presence graced the surrounding air.

She lifted her head as if she were looking up at the sky, but instead she closed her eyes and allowed the sun to soak her face. My fingers itched as I held the camera that was around my neck. I couldn't resist when I brought the window of it to my eye and took only a short pause until I saw the shudder close and forever duplicate that exact moment. She heard the clicking from the camera and opened her eyes to smile at me.

"This place is beautiful." I nodded and smiled back. Not even close to how beautiful you are.

She crouched down and allowed her fingers to dip into the creek's water. The water was darkened from her shadow, but clear in her cupped hand. She brought her lips to it, and my nose scrunched up.

"You're going to get some disease from that water," I smirked. What a lie. I didn't mind watching her do such a simple task as drinking from a creek. Call me an idiot, but even small things like that got my heart going.

"Then I guess I'll have to blame you, won't I?"

"Ha. You wouldn't have a strong enough case to convict me with," I wanted to keep the air filled with humor, or something of the sorts, to distract me as much as possible. As the sun reflected off her hair, running my fingers through it was all I could think about.

Need. To. Stop. Now.

"I would love to sketch this," she spoke softly, gazing across the area. My eyebrows perked up.

After almost a year of knowing her, I never knew she could draw. Well, I guess everyone can draw to some extent, but I never thought of her as an artist. She was too... goal orientated.She said she was going to apply for Med school, and become some sort of doctor. I assumed off the bat that that was what she wanted, and I was wrong when I learned that her real passion lied in art. She always seemed to love my photos, so I should have known.

I was so happy in those times. Everything was perfect then. However, I realized very quickly that nothing lasts forever.

Shortly after, a guy started hanging around her. That was inevitable wasn't it? She was beautiful, of course a guy would chase at her feet. She had plenty of teenage boys drool over her, but it never seemed that she took interest until he asked her to take her out to a movie one weekend. Her original plans were to come to my house and watch the latest episode of Meerkat Manor, (That was her kind of show, not mine. However, I laughed at the "Awwww they're sooooo cute!" that came from her direction every five minutes) but asked me during lunch if it was okay if she went out with him instead. I told her to not be so stupid in thinking that she needed to ask, and then grinned and said for her to have fun. I researched that night if assassins could really be hired in this day and age. How dare he think he could take her away on the weekends?

Bleh. All in all, I went to bed alone that night, my mind still filled with thoughts of her. As I slept, I sort of transported myself back to the garden's creek. Now it was so incomplete without her... I imagined her laying next to me. Next to the sound of flowing water, with the warmth of afternoon sun. Her hand gripped mine, her fingers intertwining. Her body was closer to mine, I could feel her body heat emitting from her being. Her neck stretched so that her lips became much closer to mine. Her breath brushed against my face. I reached out and allowed myself to meet her. Our lips molded together. Hers were so soft, I was lost completely in my own desire. My hands trailed beneath her shirt...

Let's say that my mind didn't let my heart wander for too long, because I jolted in an upright position very quickly. My heart pounded in my ears, and my face was hot and probably as red as the blood that rushed to my cheeks. I pressed the pillow against my head and my mind tried to blink out the entire dream itself.

My heart contradicted, and hung onto it a little longer. Regardless of what my mind had to say, there would be many more of those dreams to come.

This boy was all she wanted to talk about the next week. It seemed now they were officially going out, and on my part a thousand curses were repeated in my mind for every time I heard his name. Thankfully, he was on a different schedule of classes than ours, so I didn't see him around much. During the week, she was mine. On the weekends... Well sights of her were scarce. I was beginning to get frustrated, you could even tell that I was by my photos. Even my photography professor was telling me to see someone about my issues because, let's be honest, my photos were starting to look like royal shit.

Overall, I couldn't complain. She was happy, right? If she really liked him then, well, that was that... Did I really expect her to be single forever, satisfied with the mere friendship of a wannabe photographer?

Senior grew to be pretty harsh. The boy made sure he had the same schedule as us, and pretty soon our group of two became a group of three. I could have won an flippin' Emmy for my performance as someone who liked him. My other friends were almost scared of me now, I was constantly irritated (more than usual) and snapped pretty easily. Except around her... I was on my best behavior in front of her, making sure that in her eyes everything was picture perfect. I had to grit my teeth every time he snuck his hand around hers, and it took all my strength to hold back from slugging him when he trailed his hand down her ass in the hallway...

The only good thing that came out of him having the same schedule was that now I could have more time with her on the weekends. She started coming over on Friday or Saturday nights again, and it was almost back to normal like it was Junior year. It was complete bliss to be able to sneak peaks at her sleeping again, and to even hear her slight intakes of breath was like listening to an entire orchestra. During the week I could live as long as I could lay next to her again on the weekends. I was almost happy with the arrangement.

Towards the end of our 12th year in high school, she sent me a text message to me during our last class that stated:

"Meet me at your car after school. I want to go somewhere."

I smiled and counted down the minutes until this stupid class ended.

We met and drove off to the creek, and to be honest I was terribly excited. We haven't gone back since the first time I brought her. Before he came along.

We sat down next to the small waterfall, her eyes didn't ever meet mine. I didn't mind much, it allowed me to be able to look at her in all her beauty in a world that seemed so bland in comparison.

"You're my best friend Chie. The closest person that I could ever need. I just... I wanted you to know as soon as I knew..." I listened and hung onto every word. The air around us seemed to fall silent, I didn't hear the usual birds or the whistling of the wind.

"I guess I'm a fiancee now." My heart dropped along with my eyes. Her voice was soft, but very clear. I don't think I could ever hear that wrong. I could feel her eyes set on me. I couldn't look back at her. "He's a nice guy, isn't he?"

I'm a good person too... I could treat you better than he could. Hell, I would treat you better than anyone ever could. Why him? Why not me? You said I was the closest person to you. WHY NOT ME?

I nodded and told her that he seemed nice and that he could probably take care of her.

"Do you really love him?" I couldn't help but ask. Her smile was weak while she kept her eyes on the waterfall of the creek.

"Love is a mudane word. Let's head back." And with that we left.

I went home and cursed as loud as I could and as often as I could. For the first time since elementary school, I cried. Tears ran down my face, and I simply sat and stared at the picture of her at the creek. I picked it up, gazed at the image a million times over like I did before. The true beauty could never be completely captured onto an image, but it came pretty damn close.

If you loved him, then why did you sound so sad? And if you didn't... Then why marry him?

I was so confused. Everything was too sudden, too unbearing. I understood why I was the way I was back in Freshman year. When you don't feel love, you don't feel pain.

My name is Chie Harada. I fell in love with a best friend of mine, and for the first time in all of my life...

I really was alone.


My parents wanted to move back to where they grew up. I could get why, the schools were better for my brother and I, and overall the suburban town was a good choice. My Freshman year seemed to be a good time to move at any rate, it gave me a chance to get a fresh new start. The high school was really nice, and for my first day I wore my best skirt with a long sleeved shirt to balance out.

Of course my luck was in tune! I got lost after the first five minutes. English? I had no idea where anything was besides the administration. It was during lunch when I looked for someone friendly in the least to give me directions. Everyone seemed to be in their own clique, and I really didn't want to go up to an entire group of people.

Then I spotted her.

She had short black hair that reached above her shoulders. Her eyes were behind black-rimmed glasses that was slacked on the bridge of her nose. She was concentrating on a magazine and had a camera draped around her neck. She seemed friendly enough. When I approached her, it looked almost as if she saw her late-dead grandmother walking up to her. Her eyes got all big and her mouth opened every so slightly. It was almost comical, now that I look back. But then, it made me as nervous as hell.

I asked her for directions, and she complied. I was extremely grateful as I followed her through the hallways.

I had a warm feeling when I looked at her after that. She was an excellent photographer, and her work really inspired my art. I started sketching again, almost right after I met her. At first I drew my classrooms, the school itself etc...

But then I mindlessly sketched her face. Her strong and bold eyes... with that soft grin.

After the weeks she started to become all I thought about. My parents were pretty worried because I kept dazing off during dinner. You could say I was confused when I kept thinking of all the guys I had crushes on. This though.. She was exciting, soft and so very hot in only a way I could see. Those other guys were so small in comparison.

I learned soon enough though that it could never work out. I personally could never let it work. I'm not a lesbian! I never was and never will be. My parents taught me better than that... didn't they? I had to divert myself from her and fast.

So of course my favorite past times, sleepovers, were starting to become a bother. I would act like I fell asleep and waited to hear her breathing slow until she was asleep herself. I'd grab my sketch book and try to capture her true essence. She seemed so much more innocent as she slept... Much more... her. That wall was down and she didn't have that tough demeanor that she clung to. It seemed like I was the only one who was allowed to see her for her, and not some clay mask that she carries with her. As I drew her lips I was so tempted to touch them... To get a feel of the texture, the softness. It's better for an artist to be able to touch their subject to get a better idea of how to draw the density or texture itself. I wanted to kiss her... I bit my lip and closed my sketchbook. I was being stupid, pathetic.

I don't love her. I can't love her.

This guy in my Social Sciences class started talking to me, and that helped distract me from daydreaming in class. He was so cute because he only wanted to have conversations with me so that he could sit next to me. However, not because he had a crush on me, I'm pretty sure it was the guy in front of me he was drooling over. I played along, letting him sit by me and being his cover up. He stared at the guy though during class, and it was so hard not to laugh. After the first ten minutes or so I was back to thinking about her.

Chie really through me the loop when she took me to the waterfall. It wasn't REALLY a waterfall, it was more of a creek that happened to go down some rocks stacked together, but overall the setting was beautiful. I wished nothing more than to have my sketchbook... I wanted to draw the setting, and to draw her in it. She stood over me smiling, her eyes were shining, obviously thinking of how funny it was to see me so amazed at the place. I bit my lip and held back the urge to stand and kiss her, with only trees and birds to witness it. I shook away my thoughts, and thankfully she broke the silence with some of her sarcastic jokes.

That night I dreamt about her and I. She was beside me, on the bank of the creek. My fingers combed through her hair and I pulled her face closer into mine. Everything was so warm, so numbingly brilliant. Her hands explored me, and I so willingly allowed her to.

I awoke from that dream that night crying. I needed to run from her, to get her out of my head.

I wanted her closer. I wanted her to touch me more. I don't think I ever wanted that dream to end.

I realized that it was getting out of control when I was shopping for a new sketchbook. Since Freshman year, this had to have been my eighth. The sad thing is about six of them were dedicated to her and the other two were dedicated to her and the creek. Oh, scratch that, I had one sketch of Dray lusting after that guy in front of me.

The bad part is when my Mom found one of my sketch books and flipped out about what was inside. There was so much screaming that I couldn't really hear myself think. My dad calmly came in and asked me about it, trying to gather up the information he could. I told him it was just a mere project, and I couldn't get the right detail. I reassured him saying that I found a boy that I think likes me, and tried to convince him that I liked the boy back. I left out the part where Dray was only talking to me because he thought I was friends with the guy in front of me. He seemed satisfied with my answer and gave me back the sketchbook. After that I made sure to hide my sketchbooks inside the box underneath all my old clothes that I never wear under my bed. If she looks there, then she's the one who really has issues.

A day or so after the incident with my parents, Dray practically stomped into our Social Sciences class in a pit of rage. His tone was almost cold when he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him over the weekend. I thought if I did so it would look good to my parents and take off some suspicion, so I agreed, although it didn't seem like he really wanted to. Later on I'd find out that he was furious after being taunted by a bunch of jocks at how "much of a fag" he was. At the time though, I was so wrapped up in proving my parents that I wasn't gay myself to really think about the reason why he would ask me. Really I think I'd rather watch Meerkat Manor (Those little meerkats are soooooo cute!) with Chie... but I started thinking that I should reconsider how much time I spent with her.

Senior year came and in order to get more public display time, Dray switched to my schedule. He finally got to meet the infamous Chie, the one he knew made my heart skip so many beats.

He even did so much as to give me a wink when we walked off, obviously agreeing with her complete awesomeness. I didn't blame him, she was everything a guy-- or well a girl desired for.

I think Dray really liked me only for the fact that I really didn't touch him much. In public we started holding hands, mostly for his benefit. To my knowledge, after that he stopped being taunted. He got real ballsy when we were passing by a few jocks to slide his hand on my ass. I was tempted to slap him and call him a stupid little fruit that needs to learn to come out and deal with it, but then I realized I'd probably be called a hippocrite in return. Him and I had a mutual understanding that was never really spoken. He knew I knew and I knew he knew, if that makes any sense. In private it was like we were just real good friends, we got along and both squeeled over Meerkat Manor. To be honest it was pretty fun, but then we'd go to bed and in the end I'd still lay there and still long for her. Sometimes I wonder if Dray did the same for that guy who sits in front of me in Social Studies.

Dray was on my schedule now and I could tell he was getting tired of the whole girlfriend thing, so I gave him breaks on the weekends telling him that I had other plans when he asked me. (He sounded so much more relieved each time I did) I dared to start spending weekends at Chie's again. It was just her and her mom, and her mom was always working anyway, so we got to spend a lot of time together uninterrupted. I cherished every minute that we had, because inside I knew sometime it had to end. Of course I fantasized about us living together, maybe even with kids. People can do that nowadays can't they? It would be so much easier if she loved me back though.

One-sided love is almost torture.

Dray got into some trouble with his parents towards the end of senior year. They found gay porn on his computer (At least my sketchbook wasn't that bad) and they put a lot of pressure on him. His dad is a minister, or something of the sorts, so I can imagine the horror it was for them to find out what they should have already known about their son. It was pretty obvious to anyone who could see him. Well, now more than ever he had to either prove himself or make the dedication that he was indeed gay. Because he was a little coward, he proposed to me. And it was gross. REAL gross.

He started off with a kiss at some fancy dinner restaurant, and the kiss wasn't even passionate at all. It didn't make music play or bells ring or any of that. Then he set the ring on the table and pretty much gave me those sad eyes. He didn't say "Would you marry me?" it was more of a:

"Can you be my fiancee?"

He wasn't asking for a union together. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life with me. He loved me as a good friend and I understood that. Right now, he was asking me of a favor.

I told him that I'd get back to him.

The next day I was overwhelmed with how much I had to think of. If I married him, my parents would get off my back too. Then again, marriage is a pretty hefty union between two people, and wouldn't our folks wanting to see kids after that? I couldn't bear to imagine him and I... Making babies. Ew. In the sense though it would just be like two best friends living together. He could bring home guys and I could bring home... well nobody. Maybe a guy. Or a girl. No, not a girl. A guy. Bleh okay maybe both who knows.

When presented with a conflict the one and only person I go to was her. I sent her a text last period telling her that I wanted to meet her at her car. The entire day my stomach was tied into knots and I felt like puking, only because I was almost considering the idea.

I told her to take me to her, no, our spot and tell her the news. The sun wasn't nearly so bright this time, but it was just as unbelievably pretty. The light reflected the water exactly right and reflected off both of us as we stood near it. I felt real nervous, my palms started to sweat and the back of my neck stood on end. I don't know if I could face her. If I said I was going to marry him, wouldn't she get the wrong idea? Nothing would ever happen between us, not that it would anyway. Ugh I don't like her. Right?

"I guess I'm a fiancee." I said it blatantly trying to hint at my true feelings. I hope she caught on... "He's a nice guy isn't he?" It was true wasn't it? We could probably be happy together. As best friends acting like a married couple. I looked to see her expression. Nothing changed, it was more like if I said that it was going to rain tomorrow. Surprising? Yeah a little. Life changing? Nah.

She nodded. It was like a slap in the face.

"Do you love him?" She asked.

I felt like screaming. I wanted to shout at her, saying everything that has accumulated over the past years.

Can't you see how much I love you? Are you freaking blind? I want you... more than I've ever wanted anyone. Can't the news about me getting married even fucking phase you?

I felt like crying, it was so hard to look at her. Coldly, I looked away.

"Love is such a mudane word. Let's head back." My mind was made up. I could never be with her, so might as well live the normal life every girl dreams to live. At least it would be better than having to fool a guy into thinking that I actually did love him.

Later that night I'd have to tell my parents my plans. They'd be so excited as long as I planned to marry him plenty after high school. My mom's voice filled my head. Now be sure this young man doesn't stray you onto a different path other than your career success. I could picture my dad having a stern face acting like he needs to give the "young man" a lesson or two about treating his daughter properly throughout my entire life. Underneath it though, I'm sure he'd smile.

Then the whole "gay scare" would be erased from their minds. They'd convince themselves that it really just was some sort of project. Perhaps once I graduate, move in with Dray, have kids, and grow old I'd forget about the girl I'd met in the halls Freshman year...

Or maybe I'd still have a heartache each time I laid down at night. Would I still picture her in my head, her small grin and reassuring eyes? Would I still long to touch her and pull her closer to me?

I dreamt again after the day at the creek. This time I reached for her and when we were about to kiss she sort of morphed into Dray. His arms wrapped around me and I tried to push him away. Thankfully, this dream didn't last as long as the others, but I'm pretty sure it was a sign of the misery ahead. I cursed in my pillow at the irony of having that dream that night.

My name is Aoi Senou and I fell in love with my hero, my knight in shining armor. Too bad my knight is a girl and I have no idea whether I should really act on my feelings or marry and let this all fade away like some distant nightmare. I thought for a real long time about how much it all meant to me, and I think I finally convinced myself to admit that I really did love her. (This was 11 sketchbooks later)

The words seemed to fit my lips so easily.

I love you, Chie.

---------------------------------------------------End

Since it's my first fic, leave me some great criticism (you can even tell me if I suck, because then I can take that into thought and try not to suck so much xP ) or you can just leave me loving, I like that too (gets me all warm and fuzzy inside). You can also visit my journal to see behind the story and earlier updates / shorts that I haven't posted here yet. Thanks for reading, please comment! (I have the first three chapters already typed up and published, but I'll wait a bit before posting them just in case you all get sick of my writing xP)

-Lillium

 

lillium_ai

 

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